Shit Stack

You Left You (An Essay)

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Being in a ‘toxic’ / ‘abusive’ / ‘narcissistic’ relationship doesn’t erode your self-trust.

You never had it to begin with.

Hence said relationship.

You didn’t honour what you knew and felt from the start.

Because something else was more important to you.

And then shit went sideways as it inevitably would and you blamed the other for the hot mess you were in.

But it was you who left you to get something from them.

Instead of giving it to yourself.

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P.S. Being in a ‘healthy’ (or seemingly healthier) relationship post-‘toxic’ relationship, still isn’t IT if you’re now, once again, looking to another for what you’re still not generating for yourself, no matter how good it feels (for now), because whatever was not truly dealt with will inevitably rear its head.

You’re outsourcing from a ‘cleaner’ supply but you’re still outsourcing regardless.

#theylovemesonowilovemetoo

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Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Stop Feeding It (An Essay)

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You starve it by not feeding it.

Inwardly, that’s what you do.

“The ignored guest quickly leaves.”

So give it no reason to stay.

You can entertain the chaos.

The insanity.

The mind.

Go into the depths of hell.

Then post about your dark night.

Tell others about that ‘necessary’ initiation.

That ‘generational trauma’ that ‘lives in your bones’.

Be commended on your strength for ‘facing the beast’.

(For enduring yourself at the hands of yourself and calling it by another name)

Sure, you can do that.

But you could also not.

You feed the pain because you get off on it.

When you’re done getting off,

it’s gone.

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Peep Mandy Bites on Pain

The Denser It Gets (An Essay)

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when you perpetually self-abandon

the denser it gets

and when you do this over an extended period of time

that density

that was once only energetic

becomes matter

becomes ‘illness’ (both mental and physical)

because your system was not designed for such a deviation

it was designed to let you know all you need to know

to remain clean and intact

forevermore

so when you choose to ignore that knowing

over and over and over again

your brilliant system will turn up the volume until it just can’t be ignored

until you have no choice but to honour what you know and have always known

so even your ‘sickness’ (both mental and physical)

is still your system being brilliant as fuck

it never fails you

even when you ‘fail’ (deny) yourself

it speaks to you

for as long as it takes

until you finally listen

and choose to obey

and once you do

the ‘sickness’ dissolves

because it only arose

to point the way home

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Peep Mandy Bites on Self-Abandonment

If You Really Love Me (An Essay)

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Most would rather have another cater / adapt to their dysfunction(s) / delusion(s) than to do the work necessary to correct it themselves.

And most would rather do that for another,

to avoid their own discomfort

of having to take that same level of responsibility

for their own deficiencies.

#letsstaysmalltogether

#fillinthegapsifyouloveme

#thatswhattheycalllove

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Peep Mandy Bites on Love

Thrown Off My Game (An Essay)

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if it didn’t destroy me

if parts of me weren’t forced to die

repeatedly

and quite potently

through the is-ness of he and i

there’d be no pull for me to stay

not with him —

but with all that arises

through the mutual destruction

our interactions bring

this alone is what interests me

because i’m interested in what disturbs me

and throws me off my game

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Peep Mandy Bites on Narcissism

Doing The Blessed Thing (An Essay)

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you would never…

have to talk about your relationship

have issues in your relationship

have to work on your relationship

#workingonitneverworks

if you were both in complete integrity

and fully in your power already

#relationshipgoalsamiright

you’d just be in your relationship

doing the blessed thing

the most natural thing in the world

#loveiswhoyouare

‘problems’ only arise because you haven’t been speaking / living / being truth

you haven’t been taking full responsibility for your side of the court

you have been looking to,

and waiting on,

the other for something that’s not theirs to give

and that accumulation of bullshit creates ‘problems’

as it should and as it must

not because ‘all couples have problems’

but because ‘all people who aren’t living in integrity and look outside of themselves for something / anything — have problems’

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Peep Mandy Bites on Love